Where am I? I am lost unfound beneath the sands of time wondering if I can do this or not. Feeling up one day down the next. Motivated one moment gone the next. Wanting more than anything to create change to feeling like I'm never going to be.
Where am I? I am here in this hole wondering am I ever going to be abnormal because the normalcy I'm experiencing isn't conducive to my mental health. lol at that eh?
Where am I? In some sadness being told I'm personality disordered but of course the observation was only made in passing. For goodness sakes. Who does that? I'm now relooking at my whole self wondering what the heck and where am I? Should I be saying I'm sorry for being nice maybe too nice but if one thought about it realistically it is only because I treat people the way I want to be? Oh sure I have up days, down days, sideways, vertical, horizontal heck I don't know if I'm coming or going. Is it wrong to be nice? I want people to be nice to me so why shouldn't I be nice first or at least help those who are trying too?
Apparently most persons with my condition work at a 75% capacity. It feels like 25% to me but most of it is environmental, and relationship related. So when the 75% is supposed to be working it only gets part of the kitchen clean or one section of carpet clean, it takes forever to sweep and mop a floor. I am lost I don't know where I am. I am here but where am I really?
I do not pretend to be an author who has sold millions of books or seems to be doing financially well because I have 4 books available. Seriously I have the education to create a book cover and format a manuscript into a book so I don't have to pay for those services. Sure my hubby works, has a good job and we live well but the thing is that it's our "survival money" and the income I receive is nothing in comparison and some days I try and some days I'm not here.
I don't know where I am. If you find me let me know cuz I'm missing me.
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